Words.

I often have trouble finding the words to express myself. I say things that aren't true. That don't describe me or a situation. I have trouble recounting what was said or what I read. All I can remember are feelings or the way something made me feel, but my mind goes blank when I reach for the words, like an infant desperate to communicate her needs, but lacking the vocabulary and physical ability to speak. I resort to hyperbole and exaggeration to fill the void and end up leaving conversations frustrated, thinking, "I don't actually think that," or, "that's not me at all." It can be truly heartbreaking. To feel misrepresented. Misunderstood. Betrayed by your own mouth and feeble mind.

God has been doing some crazy things in my life.

I hope to talk about a lot of them soon.

But, a real miracle has been feeling that God is speaking through me.

For example, my pastor will ask me a question and as the answer comes out of my mouth, I think, "Well said," or "Wow, this is profound." It's like I hear words coming out of my mouth, but someone else is saying them.

It comes out in all manner of convenient situations lately, like during arguments with my husband, where I am able to say exactly how I was hurt in a kind, "I statement" sort of way. But also in recounting really meaningful conversations with my mentor, or explaining how something I read in my bible impacted me, or one of the many things that God and I are working on.

If you have ever felt helpless or useless- a prisoner to your own incapabilities- you can imagine how it feels when the God of the universe displays his strength in your weakness. When you become less and He becomes greater, but you get to be the vessel of greatness. You do things that you didn't think possible, yet know that you can take no credit for it.

I am standing in awe of God lately.

That He uses me in ways that are so personal to me.

That He finds ways to display his love and power and infinite wisdom and greater plans for all of our lives in very intimate ways.